Tretar 20, Embracing the Change

[This post is the twentieth in an ongoing series for Project Tretar. You can read previous posts here]

I can’t believe the year has gone by so quickly. I myself have seen so much happening in these 10 months and its incredible that this is already the 20th post on Tretar! This picture is from an earlier travel where I had lost my way in a little village in New Zealand. It was one of the first times I had started venturing alone and getting lost scared me.

tretar20, embrace the change

I remember that little fear of getting lost and being on my own. It was the onset of a change. And, what can define you more than the changes? I believe it is all about how we react to the changes in our lives that shape our character. Losing happiness, losing people, losing livelihood, losing love, losing identity – in general, its those big losses that force us to react. Those either destroy you or transform you. If you survive, you come out a different person. Everyone tries to fight the change – we, humans, hate change. We cannot deal with changes, they make us get out of our comfort zone and who wants that? But sometimes, I feel they are for the best. They will make you cry but they will help you find yourself. Until you deal with the loss, you can never make new beginnings. And from that, comes the important part that you need to deal with the loss and close it. You need to write it off and set out on a new journey. Don’t mourn for rest of your life; embrace the change and rise. A better chapter awaits you. 

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.Maya Angelou

Tretar 19, Colors of Life

[This post is the nineteenth in an ongoing series for Project Tretar. You can read previous posts here]

 In 1943, Abraham Maslow put forward this hierarchy of needs that says that human survival needs the fulfillment of basic needs (physiological) first and then only can he appreciate the others such as love, esteem, creativity etc. I agree with Mr. Maslow but my question is if one eliminated the ones higher in the pyramid – that is, if there was no sense of creating, innovating, love, intimacy, appreciation of arts and finer things in life – even though you could survive, would that survival be worth it?

So, while this pyramid may very well satisfy the academic need of survival, what makes life truly attain its purpose is the exact inverse of this pyramid. And those things that make life worth living is what I term as Colors of Life. This picture, taken at the crazy Garba fest in Ahmedabad during a recent trip, shows those colors. Amidst the cooking temperatures of Gujarati nights, people were happily dancing with beads of sweat turning into streams. The music made you oblivious to the otherwise awful weather and let you enjoy in a way comfort alone cannot do.

garba movements

I would quote this from Robin William’s heart wrenching movie-

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?”

Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?Dead Poet’s Society

Tretar 18, Making Choices

[This post is the eighteenth in an ongoing series for Project Tretar. You can read previous posts here]

Life shouldn’t be hard. And the hardest part is usually about making choices. Each moment, we are making a choice. For example, you are making a choice right now to read this article. Your choices this morning will determine how you feel rest of the day. You will decide which doors to open and which to keep shut.


Back in New York, once I made a choice to enroll for a class in ‘Animal Sketching’ at Museum of Natural History. When we entered the Museum at 7 pm after it was closed to the public, it seemed like a whole different world with silent animals glaring from behind the glass showcases. We sat there for an hour sketching whatever we wanted (see a sketch here). It was a long ride back home on those winter evenings. It made no sense for a software engineer to be taking this class except that I wanted to do it and I chose to do it.

Similarly, we decide who should be and should not be in our lives (well, apart from parents). Remember that you are in someone’s life because they choose to keep you. And that’s a golden rule. Earn your place in their life and keep them if they have earned a place in yours. Any other equation just doesn’t work in personal relationships. Love is nothing but a choice because there is no perfect human being. Anyone who loves anyone else is making a choice to make them special in their life. Someone who doesn’t value the choice you are making about them probably doesn’t deserve a place in yours and vice versa.

My favorite poet Gulzar has written an amazing song on choices and its my favorite song too. I recently happened to go to Mandu on an impromptu trip (again a choice that I’m glad I made outside my comfort zone) and the ruins there reminded me of this song.

Is mod se jaate hain
Kuchh sust qadam raste, kuchh tez qadam raahe
Patthar ki haveli ko, sheeshe ke gharoundo me
Tinkon ke nasheman tak is mod se jaate hain

[From this turn, diverge
few lazy lanes, few fast paced paths (talking about the choices in lifestyle)
to some stone castles, to some glass houses (talking about stability and fragility)
to some delicate nests]

Aandhi ki tarah udakar ik raah guzarati hai
Sharamaati hui koi qadamo se utarati hai
In reshami raaho me ik raah to vo hogi
Tum tak jo pahuchati hai is mod se jaati hai

[One lane passes like a whirlwind
one descends from the feet shyly
At least one path in these silky paths should be
the one that reaches you]

Ik dur se aati hai, paas aake palatti hai
Ik raah akeli si rukti hai na chalti hai
Ye sochke baithi hun, ik raah to vo hogi
Tum tak jo pahuchti hai is mod se jaate hain

[One comes from a distant, turns close by
one solitary lane neither moves nor stops
I am just thinking that there is one lane here
that will reach you, from this turn]

You cannot see in future and you can’t predict the results and yet all you can do is make a choice right now. Best meter for evaluating the goodness of a choice, in my experience, comes from the heart. If it urges you to do something, try it. You may not see the road right now but in hindsight that road will be the most glorious you could take.

@Oprah_World: Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

P.S. For contextual exposition on this song, check out this old post – “What does ‘is mod se jaate hain’ mean?”

Tretar 17, Stay True to Yourself

[This post is the seventeenth in an ongoing series for Project Tretar. You can read previous posts here]


I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions this day. My book is about to release and as some early reviews are pouring in, I can’t help reminiscing. And that is why I am cheating for this post of Tretar, I am going back to this very very old picture that formed the inspiration for my first original attempt at Oil on Canvas. I must be such an egotist to paint a self-portrait! But, lets ignore that. This is who I truly am – someone gazing afar, reflecting on life, content in solitude. And just like I have made the colors more vivid in my painting, I add colors in my perceptions. This painting is probably the onset of my creative journey in life; the point when I discovered something more than an engineer in myself; something more than ‘what I am supposed to be’. This painting told me that it is possible to be someone you want to be – a painter at that time. And, although this painting may be full of flaws, it had made me ecstatic. Once you know you are a creator, it is hard to tell yourself that you aren’t. And whatever events have transpired in my life since then, I have found myself most peaceful when I have been closest to creating.

And today, Seven Conversations has brought me back to this starting point. I think I have done justice to whatever little talent God gave me as an artist and I want to keep building on it. I can confess that I have tried to fit in and chase things that I was supposed to chase but none of it made me happy. It is the first time in life that I feel truly alive. And it makes me realize how important it is to stay true to ourselves.

Sometimes, I meet these couples who are totally different in each others’ companies than they are individually. That is a great sign to know whether a person is living naturally or pretending to be someone else. It is good to adapt for people we love but it is perhaps not advisable to bend beyond limits because it is unsustainable. I have seen many happy couples too – they are the ones who are comfortable with each other in their natural form. Similarly, there are so many professionals who are convincing themselves that their lives are what it is supposed to be and that they should enjoy it. But the truth is, what you enjoy can only be determined by you and there is no ‘supposed to’ when it comes to pleasure.

To end, I would just share this gem from Anais Nin for this says it all.

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.Anaïs Nin

Please wake up.

Tretar 16, the Girl with the Tattered Jeans

[This post is the sixteenth in an ongoing series for Project Tretar. You can read previous posts here]

There’s a pair of jeans that I love. It is almost 6 or 7 years old and it has seen many different days. I wore it to such an extent that the threads started baring at the knees and the thigh. Even that looked good and in vogue, so I kept wearing it. A day came when the threads started breaking. Although the torn patch isn’t the concern, the weakness of the fabric had started building around that hole and the hole started magnifying. As a corroded vessel, the strain started testing the nearby threads and multiple holes started appearing in no time. However, I was still hell bent on not losing my beloved jeans and I went to a tailor, got it patched up and there I was wearing it again.

I can’t help feeling how similar the threads of relationship are. You nurture a relationship with great love and care when its new. But however good the bond be, signs of stress start showing up at edges and weakest points. The people who value the relationship know that one can enjoy even the existence of holes. As the holes grow bigger and if I still treasure it so much and am not willing to let it go at any cost, I will mend it. It boils down to how important the jeans are to me.
– Has it become like new again? No, but I like it vintage now. I like the faded shades and hanging threads, it has its own charms.
– Does it mean that no new holes will appear? Again, no. It is getting old and it will strain out. Everything does, it will need maintenance and care.
– Also, shall I do this for all the pairs of jeans I own? Probably not, I don’t cherish them all this much.
– The more important point is to remember that some dresses you might like won’t even be made of denim. I have a lovely silk kurti that got ripped once. I can’t mend and wear it even if I want. The fabric doesn’t lend itself to repairs without showing the damage done. Not everything is redeemable. I hope you don’t get too attached to your silk kurtis.


I love this story of the tattered denim and wish I could convert it to a poem but I am no Frost. He could write about the ‘Mending Walls‘; I am merely a mortal, a girl with tattered jeans. All I would say is ‘Something there is that does love a worn out denim’.

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That wants it down.” I could say “Elves” to him,
But it’s not elves exactly, and I’d rather
He said it for himself. I see him there,
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father’s saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, “Good fences make good neighbors.”Robert Frost